


Guns, Puppies, and Existentialism

by pleasantnightarbiter



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, Mentioned Gwen Stacy, Peter is smol, Tony is trying to help, kids being kids
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 07:19:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11915913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pleasantnightarbiter/pseuds/pleasantnightarbiter
Summary: Everyone gets their soul mate's name when they turn sixteen.After his birthday, all Peter wants is to find his soul mate.Tony will do anything to stop them from meeting.Wade agrees with Tony.And Michelle? Well, as long as she gets some peace and quiet she'll be happy.





	Guns, Puppies, and Existentialism

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! This is my first fic so please be gentle. It's pretty much just crack so don't expect too much :D Hope you enjoy!

Tony Stark was a busy man. He was constantly inventing things for the good of the people and the Avengers. His presence was constantly needed at business meetings and conferences and if he couldn’t attend personally he needed to create an outline for a representative to follow. Any free time he had was spent improving the suits, helping his employees, or with Pepper and Rhodey, which is why it was surprising to everyone including himself that he would be at a child’s birthday party on a Friday evening. 

Really, it couldn’t be called a party. There were only three guests including himself, so, in Tony’s opinion, it was really just an over glorified sleep over. When Peter off handedly mentioned the week before that his birthday was soon, Tony offered a floor of the tower to be used as a venue but Peter politely declined. At first, Tony was slightly hurt because he didn’t know whether he was rejected due to a perfectly logical reason or that Peter just didn’t want him around on his birthday, but the situation was quickly cleared up when Peter softly admitted to him that he didn’t have enough friends to fill an entire floor. Instead of insisting that Peter should come over anyways, Tony asked if he was allowed to be there. Peter’s eyes lit up like a younger kid on Christmas, but quickly said that he didn’t have to attend if he was too busy. The second Peter left his lab, Tony ordered FRIDAY to clear his schedule for Friday. 

When he arrived, May was standing in the kitchen of the Parker residence looking at the children fondly. Three thirds of the cake she bought was already devoured, mostly by her ravenous nephew. Tony, who made his way to the worn chair next to the couch, was slightly disturbed by Peter’s appetite but decided to silently judge the teen rather than call him out. After all, it was his birthday and he deserved to let go for a day. 

“Peter, no! You’ve already had six pieces!” Ned yelled as he saw Peter cut another large piece of birthday cake. Peter paused to look at Ned and stuck his tongue out.

“Super metabolism!” 

“Super metabolism or not, those abs aren’t gonna stay if you keep eating like that, loser,” Michelle retorted. Tony let himself smirk at the kids’ banter. 

“I resent that!” Peter pouted, “Wait . . . how did you know I have abs? You’ve never seen me shirtless before.” Michelle decided not to answer, leaving Peter to flail around asking her incomprehensible questions. At one point during his babbling, Peter dropped the cake he was holding and barely caught it above Michelle — but one of his hands landed on her chest. He blushed and sputtered apologies as Michelle, Ned, and May laughed. Tony stifled his own laughter to help the kid maintain whatever dignity he had left. Once the chuckling died down — and there was a unanimous decision to not let Peter have any more cake — Ned and Michelle determined that Peter needed to watch The Godfather so they settled on the couch while May cleaned up the cake and take out Thai food that was eaten before Tony came. Tony settled further into the chair, enjoying the movie. When it was finished three hours later, the billionaire looked at the couch to see Ned, Peter, and Michelle cuddled together. Peter was sitting on Ned’s lap with his head nestled near his collarbone and his legs thrown over Michelle. Michelle was leaning into Ned with her head on his shoulder, while Ned’s head rested on top of hers and his arm was around her shoulders. Tony pointed at them to get May’s attention. She chuckled softly and gestured for Tony to come into the kitchen area so they could talk.

“Does that happen a lot?” Tony asked.

“All the time,” May responded, nodding her head, “imagine my surprise when I walked into Peter’s room to check on him and see him and Michelle practically spooning on top of Ned.” 

“Are Michelle and Peter soul mates?” the billionaire inquired. It wouldn’t be hard to imagine. Michelle seemed to be more grounded and assertive, which would perfectly offset Peter’s more biddable personality. 

“No, her soul mate is a girl named Gwen Stacy. They haven’t met yet.” 

“Oh. Ned?” Tony didn’t really know Ned that well, but he was a huge dork like Peter. Also, looking back over at them, it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch.

“You’re bad at this,” May cackled, “Ned’s asexual and aromantic.” Tony pulled up his sleeve slightly to check his watch. He promised Pepper and Rhodey earlier in the day that he would be back before nine o’clock so they could hang out. It was already nine twenty-six. 

“When was Peter born?””

“Eleven forty-eight. They were planning on staying up until then, but I’ll just wake them up before. You can head out. Thanks for coming, it really means a lot to him.”

“Really, it was my pleasure. Tell him that if he wants help tracking down his soul mate he can come by the tower tomorrow,” Tony offered as he shuffled toward the door. He heard a faint thank you as he shut the door softly. On the drive back to the tower, the only thing Tony could think about was Peter. All he could do was hope that the teen was destined to be with someone who cared about him.

 

“Where were you?” Pepper asked when Tony returned.

“Peter’s birthday . . . thing. It’s his sixteenth.” Pepper grinned. She adored Peter; once, when he came to meet Tony looking like a drenched kitten, Pepper even gave him one of her shirts. 

“That’s awesome! Do you know his soul mate?”

“He doesn’t get marked until later tonight. He’ll probably come by tomorrow,” Tony answered, “hey Fri? Let Pepper know when Peter drops in.” FRIDAY stayed silent, but Tony knew that he was heard.

“Great! Anyways, Rhodey’s on the couch. We’re gonna marathon Firefly,” she said as she took Tony’s hand and led him to the living area. When Tony looked down at their clasped hands, he avoided the roll of his stomach upon seeing the chicken scratch of Happy Hogan wrapped around Pepper’s wrist. As much as it pained him to admit it, Pepper would never be happy with him, and she deserved happiness. He wouldn’t pursue a relationship with her just because his soul mate rejected him because that would be unfair to everyone involved. So he said nothing about the ache in his heart as he sat down next to his two best friends.

 

The next morning Tony was woken up at eight thirty by FRIDAY announcing Peter’s presence. With a grumble of, “stupid kids and their stupid energy,” he rolled off the couch and quickly changed into a new set of clothes.

Peter looked like a ball of sunshine. A wide smile was plastered on his face and though his hair was messy and his clothes were baggy, he looked incredible simply because his attitude shone through his appearance. 

“Hey, kiddo. Show me your mark.”

“Um, before I show you, I just need to know if - I mean are you okay with it not-not being a . . . girl?” Peter stuttered, not meeting Tony’s eyes.

“Kid, I couldn’t care less. I’m actually slightly offended that you thought I would have a problem with it,” he said jokingly, “just show me.” Peter grinned again as he rolled his sleeve to his elbow. On the side of his arm in neat, red print was Wade Winston Wilson.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a kudos and comment! I love talking to people! 
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @pleasantnightarbiter


End file.
